What happened to the Jalopnik Racecar Lexus.

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
07/29/2014 at 21:51 • Filed to: jalopniks mysteries solved

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to use as a racecar a few months ago. Since then we have heard little to nothing about it. Last night, I asked about it and came up dry. No one was willing to talk. So, I did some more digging and what I found may shock you. Warning, this is not for the feint of heart or those of you with week constitutions.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

The story of their purchase was published on 4/20/2014. They said that all they needed was to get the registration and fix the taillight. However the story takes a darker turn from there.

4/21/2014- 11:30 am, Raphael Orlove and Michael Ballaban decide to take an early lunch to go to the DMV. 1:15 pm, Orlove receives a text message, he then tells Ballaban that they need to take a detour. 2:20 pm, they arrive at a back alley "antiques" store in Chinatown. The shop owner hands Orlove a small, ornately detailed, red box. 3:00 pm, Orlove and Ballaban arrive at the DMV. 4:30 pm, the two return to Gawker HQ and then decide to go home after a full day's worth of work.

4/22/2014- 10:17 am, Orlove arrives at Gawker HQ at his normal time. Matt Hardigree asks him why he's over 2 hours late again, Raphael responds by producing the box. Matt tells Orlove to grab Ballaban, they're going on an assignment. 10:30 am, Orlove and Ballaban exit the building. On their way out, Travis Okulski asks them, "What's in the box?" He gets no response. Raphael and Ballaban get in the Lexus and leave NYC.

4/30/2014- 3:33 am, the two arrive with the box at an abandoned church outside of Guadalupe, Mexico. 3:45 am, the cartel's crew make it to the church. 4:15 am, the negations break down and guns are drawn. Ballaban shoots first, as a sniper put a laser on Orlove's forehead. More shots ring out as the two make a break for it in the Lexus. The surviving cartel members give chase. 5:30 am Orlove gets distracted by a butterfly and rolls the Lexus into the Rio Grande. Michael manages to pull Orlove out of the wreck and they make their way across the border. 5:31 am, Border Patrol agents arrest the duo for illegally crossing the border. Orlove yells, "Nunca nos llevan vivo!" at the cartel members stuck on the other side of the border.

5/01/2014- 9:00 am, men in black suits come and take the box from the evidence locker.

5/05/2014- 3:00 pm, Orlove and Ballaban are released from custody and head home.

5/08/2014- 10:21 am, Orlove comes back to Gawker HQ. Travis asks, "Hey can we go for a ride in the Lexus? And, seriously, what's in the box?" Orlove doesn't respond, he just stares blankly into his monitor. Travis asks again, "Come on, what's in the box?" Orlove responds, "I'll write about it in the second part of the story."

DISCUSSION (34)

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/29/2014 at 19:27

WHAT THE FUCK KINJA?!?!? I just spent an hour writing and you fucking deleted most of it!! godfuckingdamnit

cabarne4 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/29/2014 at 19:27

Best. Cliffhangar. Ever.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > cabarne4
07/29/2014 at 19:28

FUCKING KINJA DELETED WHAT I WROTE. I AM MORE THAN PISSED.

mXxxxXm24 /O/ /O/ > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/29/2014 at 19:31

Censorship? Write it again in the comments...that'll teach'm!

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/29/2014 at 19:33

Kinda has deleted my entiiiiire posts filled with research and care right after I clicked publish, like I definitely just clicked save as public towhich Kinja interprets as delete the whole fucking thing . S'why I only post on here in frantic bursts then leave for a month.